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Peer Challenge
Cape May County, NJ
Atlantic County, NJ
Cumberland County, NJ
Email: gopeerchallenge@gmail.com
Phone:
(609) 861-2351

 

What if You Already Had Sex?

Although it is impossible to regain one’s physical virginity, it is possible to regain one’s psychological virginity or purity and restore the hormonal processes that enhance romantic love and make commitment and bonding possible.  “Secondary virginity” is the term used to describe the decision to stop having sex until marriage by someone who has already been sexually active.  And while choosing to practice “secondary virginity” cannot eliminate a pregnancy or STI that was the result of previous sexual activity, it can prevent further negative consequences and permit one to begin to enjoy the benefits of an abstinent lifestyle: freedom from pregnancy, STIs, and emotional damage.

It is important to recognize that since sexual activity is progressive, once a person has engaged in sexual intercourse it will be harder to resist sexual urges, but not impossible.  Any person who wants to practice “secondary virginity” can by making a commitment to change and then standing by this new commitment without compromise.  This change may require detaching oneself from old habits, people, and places that weaken self-control.  Find friends who share your values.  Set sexual boundaries and limits.  Avoid any situations that include the use of alcohol and drugs, which cloud your judgment and numb your ability to stay in control.  Learn to redirect your sexual energy into constructive avenues like sports, music, art, and hobbies.  There are lost of fun things to do in life that don’t put your future at risk.

Go on a picnic, bake cookies, go out to dinner, wash each others car, go bowling, ride bikes, take a walk together, spend an evening with each other’s family, go to a play or the ballet, have a campfire and make smores, blow up balloons and stuff an friend’s car etc.

“Secondary virginity” is about second chances.  Teens do not have to buy into the myth that once their virginity is lost, they can no longer control their sexual urges.  After all, if you make a mistake, it doesn’t mean that you have to continue making the same mistake.  Today is a new day.  Don’t let past mistakes prevent you from regaining control of your life and achieving your goals to become whatever you want to be and pursing a happy, healthy future.

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